Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
