All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
