no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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