never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That was before I lit my hair on fire
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
