Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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