I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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