I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
