My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
