I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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