apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
