God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
