i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
