Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
