Need sex. Gaining weight.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I said "one day" and that day is not today
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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