i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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