you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
