I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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