Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The feeling are messing with the penis
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
