the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
