just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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