I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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