How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
