I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
