I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
