I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
false alarm. still invincible.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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