i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
