ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
