omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
