how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
