I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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