I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
well I can't set my house on fire every night
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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