She announced her abortion via fbk
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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