I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize