I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
