im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
