Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
