I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
