We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
