The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
