You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
