If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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