so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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I have fence marks all over my body
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?