ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.