I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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