His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
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Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?