her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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