cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!