I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
