Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
