I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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