C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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