Umm I'm too high to move.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
