about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
