Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
