Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
