I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
