just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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