The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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