Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
