you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
