Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
