My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
