If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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