Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
