i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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