at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it's like iHOP with fire
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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