i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
