at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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