I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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