And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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