my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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