she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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