you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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